I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
