Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
