If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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