she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
