You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's Friday. Sex?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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