I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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