please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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