Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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