Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
