Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
