I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
