You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
