took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
