How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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