You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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