put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
