i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
