Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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