So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
