We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
