NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
