I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
