ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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