SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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