We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
