Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
