Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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