Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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