I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
