i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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