apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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