At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
