if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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