Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
