If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i think i just lost a toe
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
