How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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