he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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