Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
