im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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