My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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