I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
