I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
