I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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