Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
