you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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