A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
