she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
