White coat. Heels.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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