P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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