I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
