My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
