I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
