Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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